It has begun!!
My 43rd year trundling about this planet. The year 42 didn’t really give me much insight on Life, the Universe and Everything. Well, it did, but that revelation wasn’t exactly positive, and since we all have to be Happy Little Smurfs – OR ELSE! – I won’t go into the details.
Birthdays are the time when some folks, myself included, start to evaluate and re-evaluate their lives. Well, I am now 43 years old, and I have done nothing with my life. I have moved from place to place and reacted to situation after fucked up situation to the best of my ability. I have survived. That’s pretymuch it. I didn’t even really want THAT. Now, I am an adult with freedoms – and nothing to do with those freedoms. I live in one of the better(?) cities in the U.S., and I never really go anywhere or do anything. I have a talent(?) that brings me little joy and no revenue. I have a good woman by my side, but I worry constantly that I am letting her down and holding her back.
I would LOVE to say that I am gonna change things for the better, but I have sung that song before – usually around my birthdays and or New Years. The truth is that I have no idea what to do with my life. I never have. My rather convoluted history, both personal and educational make things difficult, as does, well, the progress of the world. Back when I was younger and SHOULD have been enjoying my youth, things were easier for someone of marginal talent and gumption to do something – anything – to make art AND money. To do something revolutionary with just and idea, medium sized balls, a wee bit of time and a little bit of help. Particularly in graphic/sequential art. Now that comics are big biz an technology has jumped forward in the arena of making it, some of us got left behind. Now, I have a lot of ideas – perhaps too many, because God knows I can’t seem to focus on just one – a very small amount of balls, relatively little time and ZERO help. I keep scribbling because it’s all I know how to do. No, I mean almost literally. It’s my only even halfway marketable skill, and I have no idea how to market it.
Now, I am 43. My health is failing, I feel like my creativity is drying up, and while I have more money nowadays than I ever did (which is sad, as I am working a minimum wage job. Still, hooray for Seattle wages and a simple lifestyle. I AM actually saving money, despite hospital bills), I still have no idea how to put that toward PRODUCING something “concrete”.
I don’t understand Patreon, Project Wonderful or Kickstarter. This site has been up for 2 years and almost no one visits. I was almost going to shut it down, but, I realize that it’s still a cathartic place to place the things I DO make, and helps to keep me semi-sane. I won’t shut it down, but, I will be revamping its purpose.
I will be using the blog feature a lot more. I have untold number of LiveJournals that I keep for some unknown reason. All that can be funneled into this site. The experiences that I have written down in those journals can probably be mined for comic fodder once I decide which comic to MAKE… which I WILL before January. Facebook is annoying, and Twitter is getting there. DeviantArt has gone through some changes in the last decade, and a lot of folks seem to hate it. Honestly, I’ve been there for a very long time, and I don’t really see MUCH of a change in what it ever was. STILL, almost no one is paying attention to anything I post there, so, other than using it to direct folks to THIS site, and maybe the occasional fan art for one of my few DA friends/fans, I don’t think I am going to use it much anymore.
I’m also going to use my extra money to start commissioning other artists for fanart and such of my own characters, as well as taking commissions. In the back of my self-deprecating mind I don’t really think I am good enough. I never thought I was, but, honestly, there are a lot worse artists and writers out there getting cash and attention for what they do, so why not me? (THIS is a serious bone of contention, btw.)
At present, I am trying to finish up Shelterville Shuffle. (I need to finish SOMETHING!) Once that’s done, it’s all fanart, pinups, one-shot comics and filler until January 2017. Then, we’ll see if I can buckle down and get something done in the realm of personal and artistic advancement.
43 years old. I never thought I’d live this long.